“When the five senses and the mind are stilled, when the reasoning intellect rests in silence, then begins the highest path.” ~ The Katha Upanishad
First House of Water Year
Many of the readers know that I am pretty into Western Astrology. I do not consider myself an astrologer, but I like to dabble and learn from different astrologers. Some of the readers might also know that I am into numerology and see numbers often.
Starting my journey as a Feng Shui practitioner, I learned about the form of Japanese numerology called the Nine Star Ki. I started practicing this numerology more and offering readings as a service. Little did I know how much I would learn about myself in calculating my own numerology and learning what my personal season is each year.
Learning about the Nine Star Ki, I knew that I was going into my First House of Water year for 2021. For the readers that don’t have knowledge of Eastern astrology, it follows the Lunar New Year Cycle (February 1st, 2022 is the upcoming Lunar New Year). Coming out of my Ninth House of Fire year the previous year, I am not sure I was prepared for the energy of my First House year as I had anticipated. In this blog, I want to share the lessons I have learned through my struggle with stillness this past year.
Buzzing for Movement
In Japanese numerology, the first house of water year has the energy of wintertime. Hibernation, a time to reboot. From an outside perspective, it might not look like anything is happening during the harsh months of winter, but deep inside the earth, seeds gather their nutrients and energy to grow roots then sprouts. This was a year that I was meant to look inward and nourish my seeds. So why was there so often this uncomfortable, anxious feeling? Like a hive of bees inside of me ready to burst forth.
Is Balance Ever Possible?
In current culture, we like to push balanced lifestyles. This past year and throughout the pandemic, I often wonder if our society knows what that actually means. In an ever stressful world, during a year when I should be nurturing myself, I start to feel guilty for rest.
Last year, I caught covid and got very sick. It was a massive setback in my lupus health. I resented getting covid and pushed myself to work. I always do. No matter how long I battle lupus (my entire life), I can’t ever seem to grasp being lazy.
I have consistently been an over-achiever, over-committer, and a yes woman. Looking back to a decade ago and my whole life really, I have pushed myself and over-committed my time so much. Only to my own detriment. I like to hide my lupus with my hustle so that that detriment isn’t visible. Many of you have told me that they find this admirable or that I inspire them with how I persevere and live a full life. Being in a constant hustle mode before owning my business was slowly allowing my lupus to conquer my body though.
This isn’t healthy for an able-bodied person. How could this possibly be healthy for me, a person with a serious illness? How could I ever feel guilt for resting?
I can tell the readers all day about how I am a Capricorn stellium (by the way, hope you all had a great Capricorn season). Or I feel outside pressure from our society to constantly be achieving. I think it is a combination of both my environment and my natal chart. Being self-aware has allowed the buzzing to subside (most of the time) when I rest. This last year challenged my hustle-mode mentality to a point of complete defeat aka covid and pure exhaustion. How many times will I need to learn this season about rest?
Learned Lessons
These are lessons that I have learned about myself this year. I am sharing them as a reminder to myself and potential to others that need rest and stillness.
Image of Water from the I Ching 10th Anniversary Edition.
1. Stillness is a challenge for me but rest is vital to thrive. “My right to rest..” – Brittney Cooper, on Our Mothers’ Gardens streaming on Netflix.
2. Radical self-care is about far more than taking a picture in a bath to post on Instagram or doing a face mask. Giving languaging to what self-care means to me helped this year. Radical self-care for me looks like play, self-reflection, allowing joy and pleasure, connection with the divine, and many others.
3. I honor my own journey and that allows me to honor where everyone else is at on their personal journey. Our lives and personal seasons are always changing, the evolution and quest are more important than the destination.
I am still learning how to rest but by resting, I can give permission to others to rest. Let us all give each other permission to rest more, live in our personal season, evolve through each season, and honor the journey of life.
Thank you for reading my second blog from the Behind the Scenes blog category.